Voices in our heads

I joke that a great deal of my stories are voices in my head yelling out their stories, hoping I will go ahead and finally write what they are saying. These voices are, for the most part, harmless and a part of my imagination I embrace wholeheartedly. After all, I wouldn’t have my Portals Series without them.

But there are other voices in my head, ones that I know others also have. They the ones we all wish we could do without. Often, the voices are negative.

“You are not good enough.”

“Why bother writing that? No one will want to read it.”

“No one cares about you.”

“You are not loved.”

“Why did you do that? It makes you look like a big idiot.”

“Your idea is stupid.”

In this climate of fear, where we are constantly bombarded by bad news, dire warnings, instabilities and such, it’s hard to push these voices out of our head. Even when everything seem fair weather and sunshine and rainbows, there may be that undercurrent running beneath the surface. A look, a seemingly innocuous phrase, a thought may send a roar of voices reminding us once again we’re not enough. Past experiences make us clam up and shut down, leaving us wishing we could just shut them down.

“The voices in my head keep telling me I’m not okay / It’s feeling like a hurricane in my brain / Dark clouds, hard times, bad weather / Please don’t make this last forever.”

~ Falling in Reverse “Voices in My Head”

We keep telling ourselves that if we get that one thing, we will be happier. if I sell a book every day this month, I will finally have success. If I get noticed, I will be better…. I will be good enough.

But the problem with that is that the voices keep feeding off of it. We will never be good enough. We will never be happy enough. We will never be loved enough for the voices to be satiated.

I have written and published fifteen, soon to be sixteen, works of fantasy. I write this blog, with 166 posts which over two thousand people have read. And yet I still struggle to define myself as a writer and author because I hear those voices in my head yelling at me that I am not good enough. I lack originality. My writing style is not sophisticated. My inner critic, a conglomeration of so many different voices I have heard over the years, is very strong when it wants to be.

But I am learning to push back at those voices. I take the compliments I am given and tuck them away to use to remind myself that my writing is good enough. While it may not be sophisticated, I write from my heart. My characters are my own, written from experiences I have lived through or imagined up. My posts, while often inspired by others, are my own words for the most part. These are my successes. And while sometimes, when compared to others, I am not a successful writer or author, I am far better now than where I started.

After all, comparison is most definitely the thief of joy.

While I still sometimes deal with the voices yelling at me, I am able to fight them. I also try to help others fight them. It’s why I try to spread kindness like confetti as often as I can. I write my cards of joy (see my blog post on my “Glad tidings“). I write these posts to inspire others as well as myself. I try to do my best until I know better. And I am always working on myself, fixing the rough edges of my personality while still trying to shine bright. I also ask for help when I need it, seeking out others who can help lift me up when I am feeling blue and not good enough. After all:

“You’ve got to understand / You’ve gotta love the world / We’ve gotta work together and make each other whole / ‘Cause we’re all just broken people and we don’t know why / But we’re keeping it together ’cause we gotta try.”

~ Almost Monday “Broken People”

So friends, if you are struggling against the roar yourself, remember to find your own way to spread your magic around. Whether it be just learning to shine bright despite the naysayers or asking for help or spreading a bit of kindness and empathy in a world where fear is the dominate fixture, do so. Stay magical. Write those stories of your lives, however you can!

And in case you need to hear these:

You are loved.

You are good enough.

Keep writing.

We all make mistakes.

No idea is ever truly stupid.

I care.

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And as always, #writeyourownstory