Life and Loss and Love and these

Every so often, life throws a curveball that just leaves me stunned.

Tuesday evening was one of those moments….

I had just clocked out from the full time job at my place of work in this little swath of the Midwest when my smartwatch notified me that I had an incoming phone call. The number was not one I recognized, but was identified as being from one of the New England states. I usually just silence such calls, because more often than not, they are usually spam calls.

But I am glad I answered it. Turns out, it was one of my first cousins, informing me that his mother had died.

My Aunt Bonnie was the ex-wife of my father’s elder brother. She was also the mother of my two cousins, which kept her linked to me even as the marriage that made her legally family was dissolved. But like most of the extended family, we communicated largely by holiday cards and the occasional phone call or email. I hadn’t visited her in nine years, since I live here in the Midwest and she lived in the Garden State. But she remained on my mind around her birthday and Christmas, when I sent her cards like I do everyone else. The intentions to keep in touch were always there. But life, well life gets in the way sometimes, especially with distance between us. We get absorbed by the things we need to do, forgetting to make the effort to reach out and touch others that have been in our lives. We go on with our daily lives. We lose phone numbers and forget to give those we love new ones. We move and never tell them we’ve changed addresses. We lose touch, not because we meant to, but because it is just not on our radar to notify everyone.

Aunt Bonnie was not a tall woman, though she birthed two giants who were always respectful of her and even a little scared of her. She was the matriarch of her family, raising two boys almost on her own to become successful adults. And she always called me her niece, even as we got older and stretched further and further apart. Her new husband became an honorary uncle, even though we rarely spoke to each other. And she was a presence in the background of my life, always there, always encouraging me when she spoke to me but never interfering with the way I did what I thought was best for me. She always told me to be good and do good.

So to get that phone call on Tuesday from a new number for my cousin… it was indeed a curveball. I was stunned to hear that a woman who lived large in my mind from time to time was no longer amongst us. The generation before me is shrinking rapidly, their numbers dwindling. It’s a reminder that life goes on and we age, even if we feel like we are young forever.

Alas, I cannot make the trek this time to the Garden State for this funeral as I could when the last three of that generation had passed. Circumstances make it hard for me to plan such a trip this time and I have already communicated that to my cousins. But I will remember the spitfire of a woman my Aunt Bonnie was. I will tell people of how she commanded a room with a single look. I will always remember her love and do good and be good as much as I can. And I will do my best to continue to correspond with my cousins, even if they don’t respond back as often. Because that is the story that I will write. That is the magic of this life.

Stay magical friends.

Write your own story.

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