Defeating giants

Like all people, I had times where I felt like I did not fit in. I don’t fit the “norm” on what femininity should look like. Yes, I loved to play with Barbies as a child, but I also played with action figures and pretended I was a superhero. I have fond memories of being told by my brother and his friends that I couldn’t be a certain superhero or another because “you’re a girl!” when I hung out with them. I played in the mud, and while I “threw like a girl” and “looked like a girl” there were times I didn’t feel good enough because I didn’t act “girly” enough. In college, I had a guy break up with me because I wasn’t as feminine as he wanted me to be. I still prefer to wear jeans and flannels since they are comfortable and pink isn’t even amongst my favorite colors. I prefer hiking and getting dirty to more “feminine” pursuits. I joke with my other half often that we are backwards since I do more of the lawn mowing and grilling than he does while he washes more dishes and prepares dinner more often than I do. I prefer practical gifts to flowers and jewelry for special occasions. I had someone tell me in a social media debate once that I should just go back to posting silly cat pictures since I didn’t have the mental capacity to argue any point as a female.

According to some, I am not womanly enough for them. I can be loud and goofy and I like to do things that aren’t feminine. I hold a position in my church board. I tend to take charge as I need to (I blame that one on being the oldest sibling). I am not gentle at times, even as I try to be kind. I am clumsy instead of graceful. I am too tall, too skinny, wear “men’s” clothing too much for the likes of some.

As a result, it’s taken too many years to get comfortable in my own skin. Thankfully, I have an other half who doesn’t care how I dress or act. I have friends and family who accept that this is who I am, including the brother who used to tease me. And in a world where gender norms are flip flopping every few generations, I have learned that me being me is just fine, even if it’s a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

Why do some people take these ideas of gender so seriously anyway? Why do some think that just because you don’t fit their mold of masculine or feminine, you are less than in their eyes? Why do we perpetuate the standards of the stereotypical “man’s man” or the “girly woman”?

Take the story of David and Goliath.

First off, there’s this giant of a man taunting the kingdom of Israel. He is huge. He is powerful. He is terrifying.

Then there is King Saul. He is the symbol of a man’s man. He holds the highest power in the kingdom. He wears armor and he wears it proudly. He is traditional. He is strong. And he is terrified.

Finally, there is David. He’s the youngest and smallest of his father’s sons. He’s a soft pretty boy with a little toy. But where others see his gentleness, there is bravery. Where others see him as being weak, he is quietly strong. And without any protection but that silly little toy of a slingshot and some stones from the river, he takes down the big scary giant. He also is attributed as being the writer of a number of psalms that are known for being emotional and openly vulnerable. Eventually, he also takes over as king…. but there’s a whole can of worms with that story that I’d rather not unpack.

It’s funny how the biggest arguers about how people should look and act if they are female or male are the ones whose very book has notable people who don’t fit those same standards. Take for example:

Moses couldn’t speak without stuttering and needed help to do lead his people.

Joseph preferred colorful clothing.

Deborah definitely wasn’t meek and quiet.

Esther outmaneuvered a general.

Jael killed a man by driving a tent spike through his head while he slept.

Jacob spent his days around the tents doing “woman’s work.”

The Ethiopian eunuch was considered neither male or female.

Priscilla was a preacher.

None of them fit the cultural gender norms of the day (or even the standards of some today). Yet, they all have a place in society. They all were noted in stories of old. They are lifted up as examples today of “heroes” because they all defeated some sort of “giant”.

We need people today that are willing to stand up and challenge the norms that put us down. We need people today who are willing to defeat the giants who tell us we are all less than because we don’t fit perfectly into a mold of who society thinks we should be. Don’t let the world look down upon you because you aren’t “pretty enough” or a “man’s man.” You are more than enough, magically so. And you are defeating giants.

Stay magical, friends.

Write your own story.

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