Iowa Nice

As a Southern California transplant to the Midwest almost seventeen years ago, I had to become accustomed to the idea that perfect strangers here in Iowa seem to go out of their way to help others. My first year here, my car had broken down on the side of the road and a man whose name I did not get stopped and fixed it for me quickly and then went on his way. People say hello as they pass you on trails and along the streets. The “Iowa wave” is done on country roads and city byways alike.

Iowa nice really is a thing. But there are certain limitations to the term. As some would say, not all is nice about Iowa. 

Take for example, the latest mass school shooting to rock the United States that occurred just a few short weeks ago. It happened at a high school just a little over thirty miles from where I currently reside. The perpetrator, according to some news accounts, was bullied and was tired of being treated unkindly. But even worse is the fact that, while all Iowans are still mourning the loss of eleven-year-old Ahmir Joliff and principal Dan Marburger, high profile people are telling us to “get over it” and move on.

In the local news, it’s hard to claim that everyone is Iowa nice when certain members of society still feel marginalized and made to feel less than. Laws are being passed to suppress members of the community, be it refugees or LGTQBIA+ individuals or those who have needs that are different. People are being bullied because they are divergent, trying to do their best to navigate in a society that labels them as “inconsistent” with mainstream and typical norms. Anywhere one looks, there are people being bombarded with derision and judgement while trying to be the best they can be.

But there is also some magic when one least expects it.

Take, for example, the things that happened to me this month. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out beyond belief. Since the other half and I were in the process of moving both my current abode AND my workplace (which is switching locations next week), my usual realm is no longer usual. There is chaos where there used to be constant. There is stuff physically not where it used to be to comfort me. As a creature of habit, I am unnerved to the point of anxiety at times. I don’t have a normal currently and won’t for a couple more weeks. That wreaks a bit of havoc on my emotional state. But still, there is Iowa nice…. one day a few weeks ago, a friend dropped off a homemade meal that we simply had to just heat through to eat. Another mentioned, almost in passing, that she wanted to come over to help unpack some of the mountains of boxes at the new abode. A third asked me if we had someone clear our new driveway and sidewalks from the nearly two feet of snow we received… if not he was going to do it for us. Others showed up to help us move our stuff, never wavering in their belief that what goes around comes around, and they were paying forward kindnesses they received in the past. Friends continue to check in on us, asking if we still need help with unpacking, if we need help navigating homeownership, if we just need someone to chat with. It’s enough to make a person feel overwhelmed with gratitude, especially one who doesn’t usually like asking for help and is used to trying to do everything by herself.

Iowa nice.

There’s a certain magic to it that always astounds me. The idea that one helps out their neighbors, even if they don’t get it paid back to them. That kindness isn’t a virtue that has fallen by the wayside. That going the extra mile for someone “just because” means more than being right. It’s why I have chosen this place to live. It’s why I have bought what I hope to be my forever home here in this state, even though I am states away from any blood family. It’s here I have a chosen family, much like my beloved Solilune from my Portal Series finds his home within the village with no name in the Realm of Original Magic, only visiting his family in his home realm from time to time as he can.

So as I sit here in the office of my new abode, watching the sun rise through the still uncovered eastward facing windows, I reflect on the emotions of the niceties and kindnesses I have received this past month. I also reflect on the kindnesses and niceties I have imparted. And while it feels to me that the scales are unbalanced, leaning more towards the former rather than the latter, I know it will never be balanced. I will always be paying forward the Iowa nice I have received and it will never be enough. But I also know that it means I have been blessed far more than I have blessed others. And that right there is part of the magic.

Stay magical, friends.

Write your own story.

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