I am just me

Last month, I was interviewed for the local Norwalk Living magazine. (It can be found here for those who are interested in seeing it – click on the December 2023 edition). I touched based with the author of the article on a whim, encouraged by friends who told me she needed to talk with me.

I didn’t expect the near-celebrity status the article has given me here in my little swath of the Midwest, or the fact that my little “Glad Tidings” project would be a big deal. But apparently, it is. For me, it’s just something I do to show a bit of love to others….. but to others, it’s huge. And it’s grown even larger now that many people know about it (even as I wrote a blog about it, not many seem to know.)

Many people in the community have been coming up to me stating that they read about me in the magazine. They are proud of my project. But I am not used to this status I was thrust into (I know, I know – I could have said no to the interview. But I didn’t, thinking I could inspire people. Silly me, I thought no one would care.

The amount of random people who have come up to me at my place of work or out in the community and commented about how great a thing I am doing has astounded me. I am taken aback by the words of praise and the compliments. I am unsure of myself over how to handle it. So I answer back with this comment:

“Thank you. But I am just me.”

It’s kind of a defense mechanism, actually. Growing up, if I absorbed any praise and thought of myself as good at anything, I was told I was full of it. ”Don’t pat yourself on the back,” I was admonished. ”You might break your arm!”

Other times, if I showed competence where others might be lacking, I was screamed at that “you just think you’re better than I am!” Sometimes, I could chalk it up to familial insecurities, but other times it was done out of just plain spite. Then there was also the simple phrase spoken condescendingly; “You think you are some kind of special, don’t you?” I was told I was showing off if I acted happy with the compliments I received, when in reality I was just trying to be myself. 

As a result, it is difficult for me to have much confidence in my abilities. I second guess myself frequently and read into other’s emotions on how I should act instead of just reacting in my quirky way. I am aware my ways of thinking, my writing style, even the particular brand of magical joy I try to bring to others are all unique, but I don’t think they make me special. That is why it’s hard for me to accept praise for it these days. It’s hard for me to conceive the notion that others find me special and extraordinary because my upbringing taught me that thinking that way was bad.

But I am learning to retrain my brain. I am learning that I am special and I can not only take praises and compliments but also give them to myself and think highly of myself because it isn’t anything to be ashamed of. And while I am not better than anyone else, I am the best at being me.

I am just me.

And that’s pretty magical. It’s part of the story I am writing.

And dear readers, you are just you. It’s special too. And that’s pretty magical also!

Stay magical. Write your own story.

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