I want peace but it’s not what I’m used to

One of my favorite shows to watch at Christmastime is A Charlie Brown Christmas. My absolute favorite scene of the movie is when Linus tells Charlie Brown, Lucy, the cast, and pretty much the whole world what Christmas is all about, quoting a certain passage in the Bible. One particular verse of that passage sticks out:

“And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.”

Luke 2:10 KJV

Did anyone notice that Linus, while saying this verse, suddenly drops his security blanket, leaving it on the ground until he is done his story? No? Don’t believe me? Watch it again. I know I found snippets on YouTube….I am sure you can to.

Linus is known for carrying that “stupid blanket” around everywhere he goes. It’s his security and gives him comfort in a world that picks on him. But in the movie, for a few brief moments, Linus goes without it. He does not fear. He has peace. But then, when he is done with his story, he collects the blanket from the ground once more. The world he fears is scary again.

Was his peace not what he was used to?

I should start out by saying that the title of this blog is a line from a Jars of Clay song, one titled “Love is the Protest.” But I’ve noticed that, like love, peace can sometimes be fleeting as well. Of the four themes of Advent, it’s the one I have the hardest time working on.

I know I am constantly looking for solitude, for peace, for tranquility. I am constantly trying to calm my anxieties and my worries. At times, I can find it. But it’s not what I am used to or even what I expect. And like Linus, there are a great many things I fear too.

I fear rejection and ridicule.

I fear making mistakes.

I fear the unknown.

Yes, even as I seek to find the magic in the moments, I fear them at times. I fear the harsh realities of the world. I fear the “what ifs” and the what “it could have beens” if I wasn’t so afraid. I fear being scorned by people even as I try to be a safe place for others to land.

It’s hard to imagine peace when our walls are crumbling down around us or when the amount of things we must do to gain something looms higher than a mountain and growing. It’s hard to find peace when daily stresses get in the way and when our fears seem impassable. We imagine all of our nightmares coming true and thus it’s hard to find the magic, let alone the peace that glimmers in the darkness.

But back to the story Linus was telling as well. It’s also hard not to be afraid when the angels are trying to dazzle us with all we can have. Fear not, we are told. But there is fear instead of peace, because we have much more that can be snatched up and taken from us. So instead of seeing the good in the magic and the splendor around us, we fear what could happen. We snuggle into what we’re used to, be it an old habit, a certain tradition, or a worn out security blanket picked up at the end of a story.

We want peace, but it’s not what we are used to. We want to show our courage in the face of adversity, but we are afraid. We want to make magic, but the darkness consumes it.

Or does it?

“Every time I look in the mirror, I’m in a shadow of doubt. Maybe I’m as lost as the next guy, I just have to find out. All I want is peace like a river, a long life of sanity, love that won’t leave too soon …..”

~ Jars of Clay “Reckless Forgiver”

We’re not used to the peace we find because the world tells us peace is tranquil and serene. But maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s having the courage to tackle the fears. Maybe it’s finding the strength to get out of bed when the day seems too hard. Maybe it’s gaining the motivation to only look at the next step instead of the whole mountain. Maybe it’s learning to accept the things we can change, even as the things that we can’t change come flying at us.

We want peace like a river and a world where we need no security blankets, even if it’s something we’re not used to. Maybe this chapter of our story will teach us that. Maybe the magic is trying to tell us we’re not alone, nothing is impossible and we don’t have to be afraid, even when fear wants to seize all of the peace we are learning to get used to.

May you find peace this season.

Stay magical.

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