More self doubts and nonsense

“Tryna find the magic. Tryna write a classic. Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know? Waste bin full of paper, clever rhymes, see ya later. These words are my own from my heart flow.”

Natasha Bedingfield “These Words”

I’m currently working on the edits of the eleventh book in the Portals Series, titled The Wolf of Pyra. But in editing it, I also heard a new voice in my head, one that explains the back story of a few different characters as well as tell the story of this new voice. I was trying not to write it. I wanted to ignore the voice and tell her to go away. But like all of my writings, this character persevered in getting fleshed out. I am now writing her tale down.

But like with every story, I feel right now like I am writing drivel. I can’t seem to get my words out on paper the right way. I am aware that this is merely just a first draft, but I am such an overthinking perfectionist that I want to get it flowing correctly now.

It’s often a struggle.

I also fight my self doubts. After all, I take everything people say to me to heart. So when someone tells me they won’t ever read what I write, it stings and makes me want to throw in the towel. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. Like what I do is looked down upon by some people.

But I have to remember that my writings aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, so to speak. Not everyone will read the words that come out of my head.

I have to remember to push the doubts away. It’s easier said than done. But I try my best. I try to remember that others are eagerly awaiting my next story. Others await to see what else I can come up with. They are proud of me, even if I am not proud of myself.

It’s one of the reasons why I bought myself a bracelet with the message “She believed she could so she did.”

“I am unwritten, can’t read my mind. I’m undefined. I’m just beginning. The pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned.”

Natasha Bedingfield, “Unwritten”

I recently rediscovered a few music artists from my young adulthood, including the singer-songwriter Natasha Bedingfield, if you haven’t noticed yet. Two of her hits from 2004 have made it into my playlists, and quotes from them have obviously made it into my blog post today. Like most of my constantly played songs, the lyrics seem to touch a chord in my soul, evoking emotions that seem to help me find the words to write my stories. They inspire me.

Music helps me with my self doubt sometimes.

But I continue to push on, writing and rewriting, editing and re-editing, working on making my stories what I envision in my head. They are enhanced by situations from my own life, albeit with a fantastical spin. And they are my own.

Stay magical, friends. Continue to write your own stories, even if it’s just the story of your life. I know I will do so, despite my doubts and my overthinking, even if no one but a few will ever read them.

If you liked this blog post and wanted to see some of the fantasy works I have written, check out my Portals Series.

If you are interested in my other online endeavors, check out the drop down menu above to see more.

And as always, #writeyourownstory

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