Gratitude

I am starting out by saying I am not writing this post looking for fame or pats on the back. I write this because I feel led to write this.

A year ago, I made the decision to quit a job I was floundering in.

A year ago, I had interviewed and accepted a position at another place of employment where I live. It was a better change. The atmosphere was the day to my previous job’s night. I had less stress, a better work environment, and opportunities that had not come to me in the nearly 10 years I worked my previous job.

With that, I also had found my financial situation, while not perfect, was improved immensely.

My husband and I have always been frugal. Well, the hubs would say I am frugal. It was born out of necessity, when we barely had even two dimes to rub together. I had learned to make things last and do without. And now that our financial situation has improved over the past year, since he also has found better employment, I find myself sometimes at a loss with my funds.

I save like crazy. One goal, albeit still a bit long term at this point, is to buy our own home. So we save for that day. It has helped, because this past year we have had a few rainy days, but the savings helped where in previous years there would be catastrophe.

I wrote this just to lay a ground work for what I am about to say.

As I started my journey of being a published author, I also began to look deeper at my friends who may or may not be struggling to get their name out there. I try to listen to music that may not be what I enjoy to help garner subscriptions for friends and even a neighbor. I read books friends have written, even ones not in my forte, giving my honest opinions in reviews online to help them get their name out there. I have liked photos and shared posts and have tried to help my friends with their artwork. And I still write.

I have the funds to help them better now. Whereas before, even paying ten bucks for a book meant mental calculations to see what I would go without for a week even a year ago, now I freely buy books from friends as I can (of course, I still have to budget, but it’s easier!) I can help my friends out a bit more now, and I enjoy doing so. I am thankful I have the opportunity to do so.

(I also have helped many a teacher the past few months with their Amazon wish lists, but that’s a different story.)

But I get discouraged too.

I do as much as I can to help others, yet the last time I even offered one of my books for free, only six people downloaded it. Of those six, only one has told me he read it. I have only a small handful of reviews on my books. My royalties come in very slowly.

I am thankful for so much, yet when I look at everything I have done, I feel like sometimes, I have nothing to show for it. I have to remind myself that I am not writing to become famous. I am not writing for the money. But I am writing so that I can get my words out where people can read them. Yet, not many do. And since I would rather spend my funds on helping others get their names out or saving for a rainy day, I don’t pay to advertise. I rely on word of mouth.

I need people to help me. I need help sharing my work. I know I cannot do it alone.

Don’t mistake my words. I am VERY grateful for the friends and family members who read my blog posts and my stories and my history articles. They mean the world to me. I may blush when they tell me they’ve read my works and get all tongue-tied about it, but I appreciate it very, very much. But with that gratitude comes a feeling that I am not doing enough…. I am not writing enough… That I am not enough since I have little to show for it royalty wise. But alas, this feeling is minute in the grand scheme of things. After all, I have published books. I have made royalties, even if they are a small amount. I have had others read what I am done.

It’s just a part of my story. I write my story each and every day, and these feelings of mutual elation and disappointment are just as much a part of the story as everything else. But I press on. I keep going because I know this is all worth it. I do have much to show for my efforts.

After all, I write the story. It’s not done yet!


If you liked this blog post and wanted to see some of the fantasy works I have written, check out my Portals Series. If you are interested in my other online endeavors, check out the drop down menu.

And as always, #writeyourownstory

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