The other day I finally did our taxes. As I went to download my 1099-MISC for royalties from 2025, I got notified I didn’t even receive a 1099-MISC for last year because I didn’t even hit the threshold for it.
It was kind of a mental blow. But in a way, it is my fault. I haven’t been pushing my books. There’s that pesky imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head again. There’s also the voices from the past that state “no one even cares about what you write” going on in my head. Algorithms in social media, other ventures, even mental exhaustion from trying to do it all play a role too.
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Obviously, this writing stuff isn’t for me.
But the other half pointed out yesterday that the characters I have written about I truly care about. They are as ingrained in me as they can be. I do like writing about them and imagining what they are doing. So even when I doubt myself, they are there. Solilune cheers me on. Ariadne reminds me to be brave. The sprites run too and fro on my hikes, collecting the items they need to make their potions and take care of the natural items they take care of. The skies are filled with flying unicorns and hawks that turn into the immortals who live in the Realm of Original Magic. Each hike I go on turns into an adventure from my Portals Series… Every urban adventure reminds me of scenes I have for the world of The Magician and its sequel I am still working on, even if words don’t come to my mind right away.
There’s the rub too. I have hit another mental block. The aforementioned “no one cares” mentality that is built up in my head (and reinforced by my own thoughts) sometimes keeps me from trying to push through it. Other things have been demanding my time and space so much that I haven’t even ventured forth by myself to find a rest and mental reset in hopes of getting back to the writing that I have always loved to do. As someone who values my alone time, I haven’t had much of it…. and when I do there’s the mundane normality I must deal with instead of the flights of fancy I wish to take. Words are hard to come by, and the words I find are plain and simple instead of the strings of prose I used to write. I feel like I am repeating myself over and over and over again…..
And don’t get me started on marketing. Because of that “I am not good enough and no one cares”…. I sometimes start working on an ad or a book push just to give up halfway through. I shy away from promoting myself because I don’t feel like anything I write is good and “no one even cares.” The affirmations that are my love language for others don’t come naturally when I am talking about myself and my writing is an extension of myself. In fact, more than half the people I come in contact with on a daily basis don’t even know I am a writer because I don’t share it.
And I need to get better at sharing it.
It’s April. So far this year I have sold a single book without even trying. Perhaps what I need to do is be more forward with my writing and myself. I need to get back to what I do best, even if it’s hard for me because my expectations of myself far exceed what I feel like I am capable of. But I know I am capable of far more than I feel like I can do…. the year so far has proven that to me in other ways.
And so today, as I listen to the rain come down on the roof of my tiny abode here in this little swath of the Midwest and watch the songbirds at the feeder outside my window, I’m gonna make a resolve to try a bit harder. Sure, no one may care. But perhaps it’s more the fact that I THINK no one cares, but in reality there are plenty of people who do indeed care about what I write. I just need to keep going, keep writing and keep looking at this world through that wonderful magical lens I developed. And if a few books do get sold along the way, awesome. But these stories will keep getting written…. and I will keep on keeping on no matter what.
Stay magical, friends.
Write your own story.
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K. S. Wood Writes 