Just keep following the rhythm

The other day, I was sent a text from a young lady that I look upon as a daughter. She mentioned that since she was “not good” at speaking in front of a group “like you are,” she didn’t want to be asked to ever do it again, because she felt she messed up on it. She didn’t mess up at all, but in her eyes, because she wasn’t instantly perfect at it, it wasn’t good enough.

I had to tell her that I wasn’t great at it either, but that it was something I had learned to do. It didn’t convince her though. And I know she still feels that way, because I also know that I also have those moments where I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I suck at a great many things, including writing. Despite the number of times I have been told my writing touched someone’s heart or my stories are awesome, I feel like I fall short and that it is not good enough. My own personal history tells me over and over again that because my writing is not perfect, it is garbage and I am worthless because of it. It’s a thought process I am working on correcting, so the frequency is lessening. But it is still there, especially when I make a mistake or a misstep.

But, like I am learning and re-learning, those mistakes are part of life. Missteps happen. Wrong words can be said, Wrong notes are played. We stumble on our words when we speak. We do things we regret. We make the wrong choice. We end up in the literal pit of despair, or grief, of feeling worthless.

But the story doesn’t end there. So what if there is a wrong note. The rhythm of life continues to sway, the music still plays, the wrong note becomes beautiful because we take it and learn from it. Those words we wish to take back become the catalyst for wanting to do better. Though we are treated at times like literal garbage because of what we have done, our story still matters, our hope is still there to cling to.

Maybe a verse will be wrong. Maybe a whole chapter will just feel like nothing is going right. Maybe it’s not clear where the story is taking us. Maybe we find the rhythm and the beat need to be changed up. But life…. it keeps going. We may not know where it is going, but it’s still going and will keep going. And sometimes, what we do or have had done to us doesn’t make sense. Sometimes we can’t find the rhythm of the music or the reason for the song, but it still plays. And to get good at something, to be able to truly find out we are good enough at whatever needs to be done… we have to take that first step. We have to write that first line. We have to take it one day at a time.

“I break tradition
Sometimes my tries are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes
But I can’t live that way”

~ Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten

So when you are in those pits of despair, get up.

Keep moving.

Keep writing.

Keep playing those notes.

Take that first step towards doing it again.

Just keep following the rhythm.

And remember.

You are enough.

And that’s all that matters.

Stay magical, friends.

Write your own story.

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